In 1984, I was 12 and Michael Jackson was the King of Pop. The album "Thriller" was the world's best selling album, and won 8 Grammy Awards. I had my first celebrity crush. I was (secretly) in love.
We didn't have a TV, so I couldn't watch his videos. We had a stereo, but I was too shy to ask my parents to buy me a copy of Thriller. I listened to the radio all the time to see how many Michael Jackson songs I could hear in a day. I cut out every newspaper article I found about him, and desperately wanted a poster, some pop magazines, and a biography, but I never asked anyone for these things. I tried to keep my crush a secret from my parents, because I had the impression they wouldn't approve. They were anti-establishment everything, and this included buying new clothes, new cars, and anything that would identify us as "mainstream." I decided that my love of an artist who sold millions of records would classify me as mainstream, so I tried to keep it to myself.
When I was 11, I got a velvet notebook with a horse on the cover as a gift from a friend of my mother's. It became my treasured book of secrets. As a tribute to Michael Jackson, I am publishing the content I wrote about him, under dire warning from my 12-year-old self: "If anyone tries to read the contents of this book, may they not live to remember anything they read!!!!! This is MY PERSONAL PROPERTY."
My Secrets,* 3/22/84
The dream I had the other night where I met Michael Jackson and he did handsprings on top of two cars.
I want to write a letter to Michael Jackson and be pen pals with him.
I want to meet Michael someday (preferably before I turn 13).
I have newspaper articles about him and I treasure then. Michael is my very favorite singer.
I want Michael to come and stay in Benton - then he would not be lonely any more.
I wish he could teach me to dance like himself.
When I heard 'Billie Jean' on the radio, I was so happy to hear Michael's real voice. I listened carefully and heard all the variations in his voice. I decided not to listen to the radio anymore today. When the song was over, I was so happy I started grinning, and now, 15 minutes later, I am still grinning. I will not stop until I have to speak. I love his voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* These things may not be my secrets if I meet Michael Jackson. They will be shared between us.
3/23/84
Last night I had a dream that Cheryl was going to the store and buying Michael Jackson clothes to try to excite me, but I didn't care. (And I wouldn't if she really did because they would be stupid.)
I had another one that I had last week's People Magazine (it has an article about Michael Jackson in it) and somebody took it from me and I was mad, because I wanted to read about Michael. Then Michael came and I met him, so I didn't have to read the article.
I think all those posters and t-shirts and pins of Michael Jackson are stupid. They are a waste of money, but kids go crazy over them and Michael and the dealers are making money. I am happy with my newspaper clippings.
I was very happy to hear 'Human Nature' yesterday. Now all I want to hear is 'P.Y.T.' and 'Beat It.' That would make me very happy.
I hope that Michael Jackson comes in concert to Lyndonville. Then I could meet him, and he could come to our house.
The other day I also heard 'Want to Be Starting Something.' I was very happy.
I thank God for letting me hear the songs on the radio. Thank you! Thank you!
4/16/84
I have been pretending that Michael Jackson is here and staying with us. I started doing this when we were coming up from Florida in the car.
We bought a 1970 Plymouth Valiant in Florida that year. On the way back to New Hampshire, Papa drove the truck with the RV behind it and Cheryl drove the Plymouth. I spent my time in the backseat fantasizing about Michael.
I wish I could meet him (in real life) real soon and he could live with us or real near and come here every day. I would like to do a dance with him for the recital to Breakdance.
That year at the ballet recital, we did a dance to a Michael Jackson song. I carefully sewed at least 100 sequins on an old lady's glove we picked up at a yard sale. I wore it at the recital and felt like I was the closest person to Michael since I had a shiny glove.
7/28/84
I don't know why I keep lying to myself about liking Michael Jackon. I know I like him a lot, but I just can't tell anybody. I do wish I had a few posters or pictures of him to put up in my room. Oh, well!
I really hope to go to one of his concerts (by winning that thing in USA Today)
I start looking forward to my runs now because I always dream of crazy ways how I meet Michael at a concert or conversations with him. I may start running Sundays.
I started running during the spring of that year - I went out on 3 mile runs every day by myself.
8/2/84
Well I didn't win that contest in USA Today, but luckily they're having another one, so maybe I'll win that.
We went over to Richard's today and he says he thinks Michael Jackson is queer. He has a pin that says "I hate Michael Jackson." We also went to the Littleton Bookstore, and they have 5 or 6 books on Michael Jackson. I want all of them, but I think Body and Soul is the best ($10.95).
8/21/84
I haven't found yet whether I'll win tickets to the concert. I'll find out Thursday (23rd). I can't wait.
I didn't win the tickets, and my love of Michael Jackson dissipated when I went to school that fall. I started having relationships with real people, and I no longer needed my lonely obsession.
Thank you, Michael for giving us your music, and inspiring us to dance, sing, and sew sequins on gloves.